Everett is 10 months old now, and since he started crawling, life has gotten crazy in this house. Our day looks like this: He crawls around, determined to be free and explore every inch of this place. Avery runs around after him swatting at things like a crazed fool yelling, “Stop! Bubby don’t touch that! No! No! No! Mom, Momm, MOOOOOMMMM!! Get him. Stop him. Fix that!” I run around behind her yelling, “Leave him alone, He’s fine, I’m watching him, Give him some space, You are not his mother, You kids are driving me CRAZY!!!”
I’m pretty sure our neighbors think we are totally nuts because it feels like the crazy just oozes out of every crevice of our home. Our biggest problem lately is that as soon as Everett gets his freedom, he crawls straight for the dog’s bowl. More often than not, he’s downed a handful of dog food before I get to him. He seems to enjoy it immensely.
Yesterday, as both kids were swinging in the backyard, Josie (our dog) started eating something suspect, and I went over to inspect whatever she was interested in. Avery made quite the insightful observation. “Mom,” she said. “Bubby and Josie are just alike, huh?”
And I stopped and thought about it for a second. It occurred to me that, yes, the 10-month-old has quite a lot in common with the dog. In fact, they sort of are kindred spirits at this point in their respective journeys. And so, as all good, loving mothers would do, I made a list of all the things my baby has in common with my dog.
- They both enjoy cheap, store-brand dog food. Straight-up, no chaser.
- They will eat anything that falls to the floor. Actually, the dog is a little choosier; she at least checks to make sure it really is food first.
- When you try to open their mouths to see their teeth, they employ the same lock-jaw technique that makes it impossible to crack that safe.
- Given the chance, they would both eat their own poop. And play with it. And roll in it. They have a love of their own excrement.
- They do not enjoy washing, cleaning or tidiness of any type forced upon them.
- When you tell them “no” they look at you with the same sad eyes, hoping you’ll feel sorry for them and give in. And in one second, they go back to doing exactly what you told them not to do.
- They desire to smother the ever-living life out of me. But this isn’t just the dog and the baby. It’s the big kid, too. They all need to be on me All.The.Time. They can sense my claustrophobia like a shark smells blood in the water.
- They eat grass and all sorts of plant varieties for no good reason.
- Then they barf wherever and whenever they like. Cleaning up barf is my specialty.
- They both sleep in cages- the dog in the kennel, the baby in the crib. Not too different if you really think about it.
- They are both yelled at by the big sister all day long. Neither of those poor babies can do anything right. She’s the boss (according to her).
And that’s our crazy life these days. So, anyone want to babysit?